Thursday, December 31, 2015
As 2015 is coming to an end, there is a need for me to review what I had done throughout the year that I could still remember in my mind. First off, Redang island was all about fun as I get to travel with many of my uni mates the first time. Snorkeling was amazing too. Definitely a must go again. I also did went to Ipoh the first time in my life (as I could recall). Curry mee there was awesome. Def a must try. I came to know a lot of good people through one of the event I am organising. It's called TRIUMP. Lots of amazing people and I've learned quite a lot so far despite the event being few months away. Now whenever I think about it I have this little fear inside me that it will flop. But again, I did know many good people. So its still a plus for now. Reentering UMP probably weren't the best idea, but the most plausible idea that I had with the ever increasing cost of life. It's decent uni but sometimes shitty management. I suppose each uni has their own problem. The feeling of wanting to grad early and staying for studies gets mixed around pretty badly. I want to get out quickly, but I want to enjoy uni life. I guess thats the dilemma. 4 more semesters to go. I've tried to go through assessment for AIESEC in the beginning of the semester but unfortunately I got turned down due to my personal traits and I think it's pretty true. The interviewer told me I had long term commitment issue. I have always had this 3 minute heat kind of thing where I get all excited about something but after a while later will loses interest at it altogether. It's bad. I guess that's why I don't get a gf, or maybe ik just plain bad. 21st birthday was sucky. I sure hoped better tho. But I appreciate those few that remembers and sent me wishes. Thanks for the cakes as well. Having birthday means you get to talk with your friends who hardly talk with you. It's the time you feel special for a moment because its about you. Truth is its not. Lol. I just miss everyone being together. Really miss u everyone. Why can't we just be like old times? I guess I've really fucked up the group. It's inevitable that it will fall one day. I can see many are already splitting and joining their uni cliques. They are more fun, more close and what not. I guess I'm a little bit jealous they got your attention. Few are like this. Imagining how my future will be is hard. I'm contemplating my engineering life and piloting. I don't have money for flight school and I'm literally half way down the engineering mud hold. I've thought of entrepreneurship and what not but where's the idea? It's all so dark for me.. And I don't want to wind up bring average, earning average income working 9-5 and sleeping on the weekends. No I don't. Overall 2015 has been a bit of a loss for me. But all hope is not lost. 2016 will be better. They should do. We always hoped for the best cause hoping gives us strength. The stars always gives me an amazing feeling. I've always seen that same stars every time I gaze at the skies. Really would like to share the experience with someone. Just stargazing and talk about life and stuff. No boasting, no lies, just life stories. P.S. wrote this all using my phone. Sorry if typo. Happy new year everyone!
Friday, December 4, 2015
I am nobody. I felt immensely dwarf as I did not contribute anything towards the society. I am nobody. I felt empty inside of me and wonder why I am here, what is the purpose of me here. I am nobody. I could not influence anyone if I am without the identity and position I possesses. I am nobody. I could not find aim in what I do, dwelling in the amount of choices I am presented, only to find that none of it relates well to me. I am nobody. I am unsure of my future, what it holds, what it awaits me and wonder would I regret in the future for what I did and did not. I am nobody. I am among the billions trying to make their way in the world, to survive the cruel world of politics and cynicism. I am nobody. I felt lonely every night before I sleep even when there are so much other things to put thoughts on. I am nobody. I am afraid of being too close to someone and hurt them while I am still finding myself. I am nobody. I hold too much hope for myself. I am nobody. I am imperfect, unskilled, immature and unwise. I am nobody. I expected too much of myself and I am obviously overwhelmed by the task I appoint myself to take on. I am nobody. I am nobody. I am nobody.