Monday, January 18, 2016

Wrapping it up 2

I never really did gave my first post a second look because its really just a rant. I was partially out of my mind while writing that post, though it is not entirely untrue. There were some typos that really can give the wrong meaning. I don't really want to correct it, so let's just leave it there.

I didn't mention that I joined my faculty club as the second vice president (yeah, SECOND) in 2015. Truthfully, there was no second vice president ever in the club before. The higher committees of the last term only did made up that post in order to keep me in the club so that I can organize the competition. The competition that I have been writing about in the last couple of posts. It's no longer national though, we only narrowed it down to selecting few universities that we want to invite rather than having it open. Lots of things happen, probably better this way. We'll aim higher next year. 

I come to know a lot of people while holding my post. Some of those I knew them before but never really did made friends with them. Others were new friends. We collaborated with another club so I get to talk to many of them. It's an incredible experience so far. I'm starting to learn what managing people looks like and how selecting good team is actually very very important. I'm no natural  leader, I admit. Personally, I would do everything by my own, but I simply can't in this case. Time is one of the constraints. But I am trying. I try hard to distribute work and make sure to follow up. However, it doesn't always ends up meeting my expectations (people postponing and stuff). I absorb everything and try to make mistakes and learn. Tbh, the most important lesson I've learned so far is to gather a group of people that you can trust and rely on. I've already seen a few that I can rely on, and possibly in my future activities, I will include them in my committee. My vision isn't just until the competition. 

Most of the time I am afraid how the competition will end up. In my mind, there is a ninety percent chance that it will flop. I can think of a million things going wrong on that day itself. That sense of fear consumes me sometimes makes me work harder, but other times it makes me procrastinate even more. It is so scary. There were times where I think back and ask myself can I take everything back? If I did, I wouldn't be in my faculty club as I am now and I wouldn't get to make friends with so many people. Because obviously I cannot reverse time, eventually the thought wears off and reality kicks in. The competition in on!

Honestly, I have big plans that I want to execute in my university. After this competition, I plan to organize an TEDx university event at my university, of course. I had the thought since last year after seeing UTP did theirs. I figure if they can do it, we can too (this thought actually led me to organize a trip to KL to attend TEDxYOUTH@KL 2015 where I brought 36+- people there). I've sent my application last week to TED and still waiting for their response. They said it will take up to 8 weeks. I still have time. The intended date is in November. 

I am actually making myself stepping into the dark abyss because obviously I have never organized such big events myself. Learning to run before walking is truly a devastating experience but since I am already running on the treadmill, might as well as keep on going. 

Uni aside. I realized how ungrateful I was saying my birthday celebration was sucky. I actually didn't mean to say that I did not have a grand celebration or something. It's just that I wished everyone was present. It is my greatest desire to see my friends gather around, having fun, chilling and just talking and laughing. Those are the days that I cherish most, and are mostly a rare sight these days. It seemed somewhat cynicism took over us. Pride took over us. Prejudice. Ego. Jealousy. Insecurity. Embarrassment. The young, clueless and naive of us just faded away, consumed and eaten by our age. 

People come and people go, and I have yet to accept the latter fact.